To prepare for the upcoming release of The Cougar Book on Valentine’s Day, all during the month of February, the Logical-Lust blog we will have interviews from the authors of The Cougar Book, edited by Jolie du Pre.
To get things started, the following is an interview Jolie had recently with Valerie Gibson -the Original Cougar.:
I’m pleased to announce that the introduction to The Cougar Book will be written by Valerie Gibson, the famous author, relationships expert, journalist, speaker and radio and TV personality. Valerie spent 12 years as the award-winning sex and relationships columnist for the Toronto Sun newspaper. Today, she can be seen on the Canadian television show “Dear Valerie” which airs on Rogers TV every Tuesday from 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. (Currently on hiatus for the summer until the end of September.)
I spoke with Valerie a couple of weeks ago to learn about her and to get her views on what it means to be a Cougar. Valerie is the author of the best-selling book Cougar, A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men, which was published in 2002. Although today the term “Cougar” is popular in the United States, it was Valerie who introduced the term “Cougar” to America, and she spent many years educating and enlightening the American public on what it means to be a Cougar woman.
You may wonder what a Cougar woman is. When I’ve used the term in conversation, some people’s reactions are negative. So I asked Valerie to explain.
“When it first appeared, “Cougar” was a derogatory term aimed at an older woman who was in a bar, perhaps had had too much to drink and was approaching younger men,” Valerie explained. However, that is not the case anymore. Says Valerie, “She’s the new breed of single, older woman – independent, confident, sophisticated, desirable and sexy, she knows exactly what she wants. What she wants in her life is younger men and lots of great sex. What she doesn’t want is children, cohabitation or commitment.”
In fact, Valerie explained to me that younger men are pushing the trend, and that many confident older women are finding themselves surrounded by younger men who find them irresistible. Today, many older celebrity women are dating younger men. As Valerie says, “It’s cool to date an older woman today.”
I know that I can relate to that in my own life. I’m 47, and I don’t find younger men avoiding me. In fact, quite the contrary.
“In the past,” Valerie says, “as women grew older they were pushed aside or widowed, and they stayed that way. Controlled by a history of puritan religion and other influences on society, sexual older women were feared or avoided.”
Valerie really helped to bring this fact to my attention, and I’m sure many older women can identify. Because for some, an older woman who is sexual is seen as wrong or just plain “gross,” as Valerie pointed out, adding that this is ridiculous as there’s absolutely no rational basis for such a reaction.
Many people believe an older woman is supposed to tend after her grandchildren or do other things supposedly befitting an older woman. She is not supposed to have a sex life in the eyes of those who don’t see older women as sexual beings. This attitude is perpetuated in the media, where many older sexual women are seen as mere caricatures.
I asked Valerie how she handles negative attitudes and ignorance about older sexual women. Valerie has been seen on such programs as Dr. Phil, Prime Time Live, Montel Williams, Maury, Geraldo-at-Large, NBC’s Today Show, and many more in the US and Canada. She’s had many opportunities to speak to people about Cougars, and quite often that has brought many negative reactions and comments her way.
“I am never aggressive ,” Valerie says. “I am always upbeat and positive and I always have the right answer.” Valerie continues to spread information. She keeps fighting and she never quits.
Valerie loves to help people and she is able to do that also with “Dear Valerie,” a call-in television show where you can get free advice by simply picking up the phone. She gives instant answers to people’s problems with life, love, sex and relationships.
Valerie says, “I believe getting older is wonderful!”
And after listening to her, I felt that way too. Valerie is a huge motivator for women over 40, and can help women realize that sex doesn’t die once you reach a certain age. Younger men offer energetic older, sexual women vitality and enthusiasm that sometimes cannot be found with men our own age.
Buy Valerie’s book and visit her website.
The Cougar Book – to be published February 14, 2010!
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